An empty mind is a devil's workshop!

It happens at times that I really really feel like writing something 'n I dun get to... 'n wen I get about to start posting...my mind's all blank..!

It's been almost a month now of "nothing doing"...'n I've shifted gears through so many emotions.. from graduating, leaving all friends, coming home, settling at home, catching up with old school friends, getting frustrated with the idleness around, trying to clear my head of stale emotions, making myself strong, getting confidence, losing confidence, gathering confidence again, keeping myself occupied...'n it goes on 'n on.. some how I'm in the right gear for now.. somehow I've managed to stay happy....leaving all the sad 'n negative emotions locked in some dark unknown unreachable corner of my heart.

To each his own. To stay happy is one's own task. People are around to love you, hate you, teach you, learn from you, like you, loathe you, protect you, depend on you.. But in the end, it all comes down to ourselves to manage our own happiness :)

Living or just alive?

My orkut's "Fortune" for today was : ' Your dearest wish will come true'.

Not that i believe in these fortunes or anything, they just keep circulating from one person to another everyday. But it got me thinking, do I really have a dearest wish?

What do you call people who don't have a dearest wish or a dream that they'd like to become true, are they living their life or are they just alive? Does living mean you have to have a passion for something, an aim, does it mean you have to pre-decide the path you want (or have to) walk on?

Is anybody up there??

Whatever happens.....happens for a reason they say... Who is behind whatever happens to us?? Good or bad... is it destined for us or is somebody up there, who makes it happen? Is it coz of Him we lose people, is it coz of Him people die? People hurt one another? People hate people? Why is that a man wakes up one morning to find out his wife left him for somebody else? Why is that a woman finds out that she gave birth to a dead baby? Why is that a girl realises that her boyfriend is going to marry someone else? If someone is really UP there then why does man have to go through pain, betrayal, agony, depression, hurt? Why can't He (or She...whoever up there is watching upon us) stop bad things from happening? Why can't everyone have enough strength and courage to live on their own? Why does He want us to be dependent on people/things? Why do we have to go through bad times to get to good ones? Coz we'll get to appreciate the good times more, or else we'll end up taking things for granted? How did these things come about.... being taken for granted... being used... getting hurt... losing... failure.. If God is really perfect, why didn't he make a perfect world? Why does our world have so many flaws?

Me, Myself & Ego

The world seems dark... and the winter arriving makes it more glum. People fighting, people dying, people hating each other for no apparent reason. People being taken for granted, people falling sick, people not ready to help each other, people not ready to care for each other. Is this what the world is coming to? Or is something that I only feel? Have I started relating my life with the world? If yes then is it wrong to do so? Should I just search my happiness within me or with the few people who care for me? Will I be happy when I keep people happy? Or will I be able to keep people happy when I am happy?

Ten years from now, I may not remember what's making me sad now. If it doesn't hold that much significance then why should I get affected by it now? It's always the happy memories that stay with us, then why do the bad times keep haunting me?

Each day is the first day for the rest of our lives, then why do I bother about what happened in the past? Why can't I burn it or flush it down or just trash it away? Why does my heart want to cling?

Am I too weak to win against myself? Or am I too strong that I win against myself. Me and myself, why is the 'me' whacked off' from the 'myself'?

Is it too hard to balance both of them, to keep them contented?

What do I need to do to harmonize me and myself?

Is there some third person that's stopping me? That's not allowing me to let go? Is my ego so huge that it's destroying my relationship with myself?

Is it my ego that's stopping me to stay happy? Is it my ego that can't see me and myself together? Is it me that's hating myself or is it the ego? Is it me against myself or my ego against myself?

Why is that I don't recognise myself in the mirror? Why is that that I don't recognise me in my thoughts? Is this because of the ego too? Or is all this just my idle brain's work? Just another phase?

home*SICK*

It feels good to be well again..... I had the official loooong break....

Actually it didn't start off well... when your body's at a high temperature for days and all you can put down your throat is a few sips of water.. and then the injections... To make it worse from bad, i couldn't utter a word from my mouth.

I'd almost forgotten what it was to be sick....to keep lying down on the bed for hours and hours. When you are too weak to even thank your flatmates who give you cold compresses. When you feel so lonely that the moment you hear mom's voice on the phone...you feel like crying. When you get up at 4'o clock in the morning just to discover you again have a high temperature.. and then it gets all the more difficult to sleep . When you try hard to think of happy days to put your self to sleep. When all you crave for is your mom's hand stroking your hair and holding your hand while you sleep.

It's at times like these when I miss home terribly, much more when I miss homemade food. It's at times like these I wish I didn't stay so far from home. It's at times like these when you can differentiate.. people who care for you for yourself and people who care for you for themselves.

Maybe this was His sign, that I better start caring for myself, my body, my health lest I end up regretting it when I get old.

Here's to a healthier me.....Cheers!!

Instructions Manual

If only I was born with one! An instructions manual. I could easily refer to it whenever I cannot handle things on my own. When I can't study... When I break a promise... When am unwell... When I have bad hair day.. When I let a loved one down... When I can't decide right from wrong... When I can't come up with something worth writing..When I can't sleep.... When I'm unsure as to how to start a conversation.. When I'm unsure as to how to apologize.. When I mess up my room every second day... When I hate getting up in the morning.. When I end up dressing badly... When I can't decide on the perfect gift... When I get nightmares.. When I don't know how to end a fight.. When I am confused as to how to confess... When I get even more confused about my career... When I end up making a fool of myself... When I start 'feeling' fat... When I'm unhappy.

An instructions manual, would've helped me live better.. But then it would've turned me into a robot... So I guess I shouldn't be complaining for being a human.... Life may not be easy, but I do get to live on my own and not bother about following a handbook.

Life Under Maintenance

It's been ages since I've put down a new post... reasons? life's under maintenance ;)

guess I should start wearing this sign around my neck too... so that everyone can be warned beforehand !!

September 5th, Teacher's Day.

Seems I get nostalgic very easily these days... it was so much fun preparing for this day in school.. we loved presenting a show.... fast forward..4th year engineering.. you don't find teachers worth spending your time 'n energy over...yea yea.. i know..they do the same..spend time 'n energy over us... while soring their vocal chords till it becomes unbearable for us students to hear them. Alright, I shouldn't be so rude atleast on this day.. CHEERS!!