Thursday, July 17, 2008

Insomia Attack

The clock on the bottom right corner of the screen reads 1:30 AM as I start writing this.

On the orientation of my first day in college, we were made to do this psychometric test, which would reveal our personality types.. Are we introvert/extrovert.. I wish there was some test to find out whether I am a born insomniac or a self proclaimed one. Either way it is a bad thing.
As they say.. you work hard through the day, you sleep well through the night. Is it really just that?
Or the reason behind a good night's sleep is that your mind is calm and ready to rest. Your thoughts are clear and you're really glad the way your day went. I can't fall asleep until I've mopped my mind clear of the crap that's clogged in the crevices of my brain. It helps when there is something nice, something happy, something positive to read at my bedside. If not it's twisting and turning for hours in the bed unless the brain's too tired to stay awake and finally shuts itself down. But by then, the dawn's already there and when healthy people are waking up to the chirping of the birds, I'm dozing as the sun peeps up into the sky.
I remember my childhood days when sleeping on the terrace or out in the open was big treat ( It would still be if I get the chance). The only companion one had was the wide dark sky, embedded with stars. There is no metaphor to explain the feeling. I could try to be a little lyrical and compare the stars with sparkling diamonds or angels smiling or something similar that comes easily to poets. But I don't think the experience can be explained in any way other than to experience it thyself! And it was fun to point out the different stars and constellation that we'd studied in school. At my grandmother's place.. we used get up to the mewing sounds of peacocks every morning... sigh.. Those will remain one of the best wake up calls in my life.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

An empty mind is a devil's workshop!

It happens at times that I really really feel like writing something 'n I dun get to... 'n wen I get about to start mind's all blank..!
It's been almost a month now of "nothing doing"...'n I've shifted gears through so many emotions.. from graduating, leaving all friends, coming home, settling at home, catching up with old school friends, getting frustrated with the idleness around, trying to clear my head of stale emotions, making myself strong, getting confidence, losing confidence, gathering confidence again, keeping myself occupied...'n it goes on 'n on.. some how I'm in the right gear for now.. somehow I've managed to stay happy....leaving all the sad 'n negative emotions locked in some dark unknown unreachable corner of my heart.
To each his own. To stay happy is one's own task. People are around to love you, hate you, teach you, learn from you, like you, loathe you, protect you, depend on you.. But in the end, it all comes down to ourselves to manage our own happiness :)


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