Is anybody up there??

Whatever happens.....happens for a reason they say... Who is behind whatever happens to us?? Good or bad... is it destined for us or is somebody up there, who makes it happen? Is it coz of Him we lose people, is it coz of Him people die? People hurt one another? People hate people? Why is that a man wakes up one morning to find out his wife left him for somebody else? Why is that a woman finds out that she gave birth to a dead baby? Why is that a girl realises that her boyfriend is going to marry someone else? If someone is really UP there then why does man have to go through pain, betrayal, agony, depression, hurt? Why can't He (or She...whoever up there is watching upon us) stop bad things from happening? Why can't everyone have enough strength and courage to live on their own? Why does He want us to be dependent on people/things? Why do we have to go through bad times to get to good ones? Coz we'll get to appreciate the good times more, or else we'll end up taking things for granted? How did these things come about.... being taken for granted... being used... getting hurt... losing... failure.. If God is really perfect, why didn't he make a perfect world? Why does our world have so many flaws?

Me, Myself & Ego

The world seems dark... and the winter arriving makes it more glum. People fighting, people dying, people hating each other for no apparent reason. People being taken for granted, people falling sick, people not ready to help each other, people not ready to care for each other. Is this what the world is coming to? Or is something that I only feel? Have I started relating my life with the world? If yes then is it wrong to do so? Should I just search my happiness within me or with the few people who care for me? Will I be happy when I keep people happy? Or will I be able to keep people happy when I am happy?

Ten years from now, I may not remember what's making me sad now. If it doesn't hold that much significance then why should I get affected by it now? It's always the happy memories that stay with us, then why do the bad times keep haunting me?

Each day is the first day for the rest of our lives, then why do I bother about what happened in the past? Why can't I burn it or flush it down or just trash it away? Why does my heart want to cling?

Am I too weak to win against myself? Or am I too strong that I win against myself. Me and myself, why is the 'me' whacked off' from the 'myself'?

Is it too hard to balance both of them, to keep them contented?

What do I need to do to harmonize me and myself?

Is there some third person that's stopping me? That's not allowing me to let go? Is my ego so huge that it's destroying my relationship with myself?

Is it my ego that's stopping me to stay happy? Is it my ego that can't see me and myself together? Is it me that's hating myself or is it the ego? Is it me against myself or my ego against myself?

Why is that I don't recognise myself in the mirror? Why is that that I don't recognise me in my thoughts? Is this because of the ego too? Or is all this just my idle brain's work? Just another phase?