A Wall of Fog

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He opened his eyes as he felt something solid under his feet and tried to gain balance. It was like someone had picked him up, and plopped him gently on the ground. Now eyes wide open, it did not seem like a normal ground. It didn't seem like anywhere he'd been before. There was an eerie silence, and yet his ears were ringing. The ringing that he felt after listening to loud music constantly. In front of him was a wall of thick fog, the kind that he experienced every winter; but this time he did not feel cold. 

Gingerly, he took a step further, hoping to see what lay on the other side of the fog. But it continued with him, it was like a tunnel, not dark, yet not lit up. He kept walking. With no recollection of time. With no memory of how long he had been walking. "Is it a dream?", he wondered, looking at his hands. And a shiver ran down his spine. His hands looked the same, yet weren't like his. The jagged lines had smoothed out. The calloused edges had eased. The ugly scar, just below his right thumb had faded. Instinctively, his hand moved to his forehead, fingers searching for the stitches, which he presumed would still be raw. But all he could feel was smooth skin. No pain. No stitches. Flustered, he shook his head to break away from the dream, closed his eyes and turned around.

"Take a deep breath."

"Count to five."

"It always works." 

He willed himself, opening his eyes. But, he was still there. Amidst deep fog. He continued walking, knowing that the dream would eventually end. Until he heard his name.

He blinked and the fog had disappeared. And in front of him, stood an old gentle man. Gentle, the first thing he thought of looking at the man. His kind eyes. His warm smile. His soft voice. Calling out his name. He responded, "Where am I?"

"In transition."

"Before I get to choose between heaven or hell?" He chuckled.

The old man smiled. "You don't get to choose, because there is no hell or heaven."

"Then why am I here?"

"To answer one question."

He sighed. Eyes expectant.

"Who would you be?", the old man continued. 

"If they wipe away your work?

If they strip you off your talents?

If they seize all your possessions?

If they take away all your money?

If they un-changed what you have changed?

If they take away what you have brought?

If they destroy what you have created?

If they forget who you are?

Would you still be you?"

The old man's kind eyes were piercing him now. Probing for an answer. He held out a glimmering shard of glass to him. "Look into this mirror. You will know the answer."

He took the mirror in his hands. The razor-sharp edges not hurting his fingers. Taking a deep breath, he held up the mirror in front of his face. The mirror reflected a thick wall of fog, instead of his reflection. In the mirror, in his own reflection, he did not exist. He had ceased.

What I have learnt in my 20s

The title says it all. Someday my kids (and their kids) will read this. Get inspired. And have the best 20s ever.

Oh well, scratch that. I'd be happy if they survive happily enough.

What inspired me to write this, apart from the fact that I am in my 20s were the sad, depressing lists of "what to do in your 20s", "what not to do in your 20s", blah blah blog posts that have been making the rounds on the internet. Okay, I get it, you made mistakes. You were dissatisfied about how your 20s turned out to be. But dolling out advice like meet 4 good people, change 2 jobs, have 3 mentors, THAT is just sad.

Here I share a list of what I have learnt/am still learning in my 20s. You are free to learn from it. Free to disregard. Free to disregard and come back later and say, you were so right! And you are free to help me extend it.

1. Travel. Travel often. Don't wait for college to get over. Don't wait for holidays. Don't wait to get your entire group of friends together. Travel wherever possible. Near. Far. With two friends or ten. 

2. Enjoy college. Really enjoy. Fall in love. Make friends. Be good to your friends. They'll be with you for life. Ensure that they have good stories to share with your children.

3. Don't regret choosing whatever course you end up doing. In the long run, it's the experience and education that matters. Not the qualification.

4. Begin saving up early. It's a habit that takes ages to develop. The sooner you start off, the richer you'll be.

5. Learn when to say no and when to say yes. If it's an adventure, say YES. If its something, you'll have to take to your grave without sharing, say NO.

6. Be good to your parents. Talk to them often. Call them up often. Share what you feel. They might not always understand. But they'll be glad that you shared.

7. Don't get a tattoo too early. Wait out the urge. Wait until you have the perfect design. Believe me, it will take time.

8. Live in a hostel. Live with roommates. Live away from home. It teaches you a lot. You learn to appreciate your home and your family. You learn from the new people you live with. You learn to adjust. You learn to change. You learn to try new things. 

9. Don't give up on someone if they don't agree to your reasoning/philosophy/outlook. Even your closest of friends will have opinions that differ from yours. Differences don't make people wrong, they just make them different. 

10. Avoid judging people at every step. They all have had a different upbringing. They all have had a different battle to fight. Behind every behavior is a reason. Try to find that reason.

11. Don't be embarrassed about your parents. Or grandparents. Add them on facebook if they send you a request. Appreciate if they comment/like your photos. Little things about you make them proud. It may not be a big deal for you. But it is for them. 

12. Read. Read often. Experiment with all kinds of genres. Start working on your personal library. Avoid ebooks. They don't smell good enough. 

13. Learn to enjoy your own company. Head out alone. Go shopping. Go for movies. Go for coffee. You have no idea, how handy this practice can be.

14. When something looks/seems too good to be true, more often than not, it is actually too good to be true.

15. Age is never ever proportional to maturity. You can find a mature soul in a 15 year old. You can also find a juvenile in a 35 year old.

Note: All pictures are from pinterest.com and do NOT belong to me.

Eat to live!

“When I’m PMSing, the only thing that can cheer me up is a big bar of chocolate!”

“I can only enjoy a movie, when I have a big bowl of butter popcorn for company”

“It’s been long, we need to catch up! Why don’t you come over for lunch?”

“I’ve got a huge craving for mom’s food.”

“We have to celebrate this dude, let’s go out!”

What is one thing that’s common in all the above statements? You got it, Food!

The old idiom was, “Eat to live, but don’t live to eat.” I don’t agree with it. Food isn’t a chore; it’s not something like brushing your teeth or doing laundry, something that just needs to be done. Food is a huge part of our lives, we eat when we celebrate, we eat when we are sad, we eat when we are happy, and we eat to while away time. We enjoy eating with family on the dining table. We enjoy eating straight from the bowl sitting in front of the TV, we enjoy eating roadside food, we enjoy eating sitting in a swanky restaurant, we enjoy eating at weddings, and we enjoy eating home cooked meals. So then do we just eat to live? No, we eat to celebrate life, I’d say!

Pictures taken from here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

Realizations of a quarter-century survivor.

When you are young and you think about how life would be when you've grown up, you generally think/imagine the good stuff that's going to happen. But as they say, life has it's own course, own way of unfolding; sometimes in a way better than you had imagined and sometimes in a way worse than what you could ever imagine.

A friend and I were discussing sometime back, how old one really is? Is it the number of years we have spend on this earth or the number of years we feel in our hearts? I feel it is the latter. For me age is defined by our personality, by our aura, by our way of thinking and living. You are as old as you think you are, said Muhammad Ali. So as long as I feel young in my heart and mind, body and soul, I don't mind getting older!

Don't we all learn something new, experience something new as we reach the age, when we finally start feeling like a grown up? I definitely did and here I'll try to put down the things I've ''realized'' over the past few years, things I know happened for a reason, things I know happened for good, things which have made the person I am today. 

Realizations of a quarter-century survivor *

I know, I make it sound like it's a courageous thing ;)

• You realize no matter how much you want to slow down, you have to keep moving forward to keep up with the world.
• You realize not all friends are going to be there with you in the end, even those whom you expected to be.
• You realize, in the end, it's just you. You alone can make yourself, you alone can break yourself.
• You realize, sooner or later: Things may not always happen for a reason, but 90% things happen for good.
• You realize the friends who do stick around, end up being a part of your family. 
• You realize you can make friends with people of all ages. Younger. Older. Age doesn't matter in friendship. Compatibility does.
• You realize it's high time you start taking care of your body!
• You realize it is necessary to prioritize people in your life. Not everyone can hold the same importance always.
• You realize yellow can actually look good on you.
• You realize it is better to let go than to hold grudges.
• You realize you need to tune out people at times.
• You realize watching a movie all alone in the theater actually feels nice.
• You realize you have a right to pamper yourself.
• You realize your mother can be one of your closest confidantes.
• You realize you are a good enough person, when your father reaches you for advice.
• You realize the importance of signs.

*To be updated as and when realizations occur.

Me, Myself & Ego

The world seems dark... and the winter arriving makes it more glum. People fighting, people dying, people hating each other for no apparent reason. People being taken for granted, people falling sick, people not ready to help each other, people not ready to care for each other. Is this what the world is coming to? Or is something that I only feel? Have I started relating my life with the world? If yes then is it wrong to do so? Should I just search my happiness within me or with the few people who care for me? Will I be happy when I keep people happy? Or will I be able to keep people happy when I am happy?

Ten years from now, I may not remember what's making me sad now. If it doesn't hold that much significance then why should I get affected by it now? It's always the happy memories that stay with us, then why do the bad times keep haunting me?

Each day is the first day for the rest of our lives, then why do I bother about what happened in the past? Why can't I burn it or flush it down or just trash it away? Why does my heart want to cling?

Am I too weak to win against myself? Or am I too strong that I win against myself. Me and myself, why is the 'me' whacked off' from the 'myself'?

Is it too hard to balance both of them, to keep them contented?

What do I need to do to harmonize me and myself?

Is there some third person that's stopping me? That's not allowing me to let go? Is my ego so huge that it's destroying my relationship with myself?

Is it my ego that's stopping me to stay happy? Is it my ego that can't see me and myself together? Is it me that's hating myself or is it the ego? Is it me against myself or my ego against myself?

Why is that I don't recognise myself in the mirror? Why is that that I don't recognise me in my thoughts? Is this because of the ego too? Or is all this just my idle brain's work? Just another phase?

Life Under Maintenance

It's been ages since I've put down a new post... reasons? life's under maintenance ;)

guess I should start wearing this sign around my neck too... so that everyone can be warned beforehand !!

September 5th, Teacher's Day.

Seems I get nostalgic very easily these days... it was so much fun preparing for this day in school.. we loved presenting a show.... fast forward..4th year engineering.. you don't find teachers worth spending your time 'n energy over...yea yea.. i know..they do the same..spend time 'n energy over us... while soring their vocal chords till it becomes unbearable for us students to hear them. Alright, I shouldn't be so rude atleast on this day.. CHEERS!!

@$#%^^@%#!!!!!

That's what I feel like when I'm in a bad mood....swearing!!!

Bad habit I know... well I've tried many things...like putting my face into a pillow and screaming HARD or listening to blaring music or I sleep or I just writing down stuff...like right now!!

I'm blank now....don't know what to put down....there's so much going on in my head.. My life's a big "?"

There's a time in everybody's life when they are unsure about what to do...it seems as if that time keeps on recurring in my life again and again. Not that I'm fed up with it or complaining, it's just that I'm unable to find answers and even when I do, I have no idea whether I am right or wrong. Well like I say....this too shall pass. Till then, Hallelujah... give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning. Amen!

I'm smiling again!

It just takes little things to put a smile on your face... may it be a cute little pug or a giggling baby...or even a nice weather.

First day of the college.... In the first class itself, I wished it had been my last day in the college.. 6 months later, all of a sudden the place seemed new and strange. Somehow living through the last 10 months of my college life seemed such a difficult task. Supposedly the "best days of my life"... my final year felt like a burden. But I guess someone up there didn't think so and signalled, all you need to get you going is a change of mood and you can end up looking forward to life. Little drizzle... dark sky... eagles flying low (do they have a gift to predict the weather?)... cool breeze....silly talks with gal friends.. splashing in the pool ( all dressed!!)....hoping for a heavy shower... and I realise I'm smiling again... or rather laughing uncontrollably. And my heart's happy again. All it took was a change of mood to lift up my spirits.

The only disadvantage of splashing in the pool is that you get really hungry... but the few extra pounds don't matter when you are elated.

The monsoons are a reminder that I'm blessed!!

Metamorphosis

My second attempt on metamorphism begins...

I try to work on the jigsaw God has gifted me with.. planning to put everything in the right place. It's just another phase of life to say so... just another day... just another season...another house...another semester.. few people less.. few memories more... few kilos more :) .... a new determination... a new plan to work on d game of life.. less expectations...less grudges.. a new hope....a new determination....a new path.... and a new me.